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I Love to Walk

had another snow storm–about 5 inches deep. it was heavy wet snow. . . the kind that that sticks to the shovel. got a good workout shoveling. then ate some wonderful shitake, barley, lentil, veggie soup, talked to my sister, then took a 3 mile walk along the levee with jasmine. we were the only ones out. should be seeing the eagles soon because the river is freezing. if we had walked closer to sunset i would surely have seen a few.

on my walks i love to ponder life, my plans, conversations, and worries….well i don’t love to ponder worries, but sometimes i do. my mother (83) fell the other day on her new carpet because her shoes stuck like velcro and she went down. she hit her head on something (too confusing to hear it on the phone), they went through a roll of paper towels to sop up the blood (thank goodness my dad was there). turns out it was a 10 inch gash. my mother says the stitches look like a railroad track around her head. makes me kinda sick just to think about it. when i first heard the news i took it ok. but as the evening progressed and i went to bed, my fears grew and grew and grew. finally at about 1:00am i had to get up. you know how it feels when you’re darned sure you’re never going to sleep again so you must get up….no matter the time. i meditated to try to calm down. a close friend of mine had died the same week (unexpectedly) so my mind started confusing him lying in state with my mom lying in state. i kept wondering if i was having premonitions or if i was confusing my friend’s death with my mother’s condition. all in all, it sucked really bad. lots of stumbling here.

the day after her fall they were supposed to leave to drive 16 hours to our family christmas gathering in chelsea, michigan (near ann arbor). i was so relieved that they decided not to do that. my parents can be stubborn. so we delayed the event until this coming weekend. what a relief, huh. anybody with aging parents knows what i’m talking about here. when you almost lose a parent suddenly like that, it puts a big fear into you. the reason i say that is that my aunt carol (my dad’s sister) fell 3 years ago, hit her head, and has been unable to move or speak above a whisper since then. the same thing could have happened to my mother. makes me realize how lucky our family has been all these years.

i stop to be grateful. since she is ok and my dad is ok (he really rallied), i’ve elevated them to king and queen status. for the rest of their lives, their wishes are my command. kinda got a wake up call about how grateful i am for their presence. i always knew i loved them deeply, but now i know i won’t even get irritated by them again. who’s got time for that! so now there’s just room for love and tenderness and compassion. hum. might be a good idea if i use that approach with everyone, huh. interesting challenge…i mean, thought.

when i talked with mom this morning i told her to THROW THOSE VELCRO-CARPET-STICKING-KILLER SHOES AWAY RIGHT NOW AND TEST ALL HER OTHER SHOES. i don’t know if they heard me, but i told my dad to test all of her shoes by rubbing them into the carpet and tossing any that even slightly stick.

wow did i get sidetracked from my original direction. my point was going to be about exercise. i love to exercise….and was glad to get plenty today. on my walk i pondered a new program i’m going to offer in the new year. it will be called winterfit …..support when you need it most. while i walked i got clear on what i wanted to do with that program. walking is great. now i get to figure out what i’m going to eat for dinner. life just keeps renewing opportunities doesn’t it :).

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