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Death of a Junk Food Idol – Commentary

My talented friend and chef Hilary sent the very funny piece to me about the death of the Pillsbury Doughboy after 71 years as an American icon. You must read that funeral ditty first so what follows will make sense.

I emailed Hilary and asked for her take on it. I knew it was a funny internet piece that was swiftly being passed around, but I wanted to see what she thought about why it’s so funny (to us), not to everyone. Here’s her email response:

I am sure that many of the people I sent this to will not make any of these connections. They will just see it as another cute thing about the doughboy they love because we were indoctrinated with his almost intolerable cuteness at a very young age.

I really should have changed the subject line to Good News!!! It seems that folks are more inclined to quickly read a sad news subject (isn’t that sad:)

Do you realize that many countries do not allow companies to market foods to children that are unhealthy, or at the very least, place restrictions on their marketing tactics? Here in the good ol’ USA – I bet if I was at a party with more than 20 people there would be someone there that would punch my lights out if I started in on this imaginary doughboy.

Hell, there is a hugh doughboy in a lovely penthouse overlooking The Country Club Plaza in KC- for all to see. Everyone loves it! Everytime I have driven by this monstrosity with a friend or family member they say “Ahhhhhh,” followed by a momment of silence – reverence, I guess. It makes me want to scream, but I say nothing because their love for this icon goes to a very deep, unreal place. They think he is real, and not the result of a very brillant marketing scheme that makes people feel obliged to purchase this insanely-tasty unreal food, get addicted to it, and blindly defend the goodness of it to their death (which it helped speed up).

The good news!!!!! He is dead!! I received this e-mail from Mike Hursey who is the head of the Kansas City slow food movement. He gets it, and a lot of other people do too! It’s really happening!!!! People are turning away from this food in large numbers. I am so hopeful.

Thanks for asking my input- here it goes.

  • yeast-infection- exactly what high sugar foods will give you
  • fat-belly – what refined white rolls are made to give to us
  • grave site pilled high with flours – refined grains are the biggest health offender- high glycemic index resulting in a multitude of diseases from adrenal fatigue, diabetes, heart disease, autoimmune diseases, thyroid dysfunction, cancer… I could go on.
  • not a very smart cookie – I could make cookies for people that would nourish them and taste good. Although the people that are used to eating refined crack-like food find that real food tastes wierd. Once they get off the doughboy pipe, these foods taste like the junk they are.
  • half-baked schemes – it’s not a secret any longer.
  • rose quickly – yes, of course, they literally rose quickly. Figuratively, most people that rise quickly to fame end up on a behind-the-music episode on E. In the grand scheme of things he hasn’t been around that long.

Why did I crack up when I read it??? Why did all my friends that shot me an e-mail right back say it was the funniest thing they have read in awhile? Honestly, as much as I think everyone loves him- deep down they know they have been duped and they are overjoyed with laughter to know the little demon died of a gargantuan yeast infection – like the one his kind has given us so many times.

Times is a changing. People are getting wiser. It’s all so very good. Don’t forget to skip at least one time in celebration of doughboy’s passing – before he ever became a man!


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