Celebrating 90 Years – my mom

Aug 2nd, 2010

At age 90, finding out you’ve got an aggressive rare cancer (stage 4), moving from one assisted living apartment to another one several states away with a husband who has dementia and congestive heart failure–that’s a lot to take in, but mom’s doing it.  She comes from pioneer stock to be sure. 

In the past month,  mom and dad moved from their assisted living apartment in Sanford, NC to their new assisted living apartment in Chelsea, Michigan to be near family for mom’s remaining weeks or months.  The surgeon removed a third of her colon and discovered that it had spread to her abdominal cavity.  She was hopeful that she could do chemotherapy but was recently informed that chemo was not recommended in her case.  She’s taking it like a trooper but confessed she wishes she had a couple more years.  Her family does too.   Her kids are heading to Michigan this weekend to celebrate her 90th birthday.  Dad turns 87 in August so we’ll be celebrating his birthday too.

The video below was made last year when mom was released for a few hours from the rehab hospital where she was recovering from a stroke.  My sister Diane and I were visiting and clearing out their home of 24 years so they could move into assisted living in Sanford, North Carolina.   She has a missing tooth (it broke when she bit into a biscotti biscuit she received in a birthday basket—tough luck!).  Other than that, she looks pretty good for 88 don’t you think.  This little snippet is so funny – she has an infectious laugh and sense of humor.

I welcome your comments and stories about your family. 

A Wellness Moment When Life Takes a Turn

Jul 14th, 2010

With much flurry, I emailed my blog subscribers that the Spring Clean Your Body series would be extended through June….then I got the call that my mother had colon cancer.  After several nights of tossing and turning about the tossing and turning events of life, I headed to Sanford, North Carolina to the Parkview Retirement Community.  The day after arriving, I got mom out of the hospital (no easy task) and into a rehab hospital one hour away in Pittsboro (also no easy task).  After a Dairy Queen treat with my dad, we settled down for a few wellness moments of story telling.  With my handy Flip video camera I pressed the red record button and dad reminisced.

Even though he has dementia, he can recall old stories with a good deal of accuracy.  But at this stage in life, accuracy is less important.  In fact, if someone asks what he had for lunch and he doesn’t remember, he’ll make something up.  That’s pretty smart.  An accurate account of life is over rated when you have dementia or when you’re listening to a story you’ve never heard before. 

The next day I took him to the emergency room for congestive heart failure.  After a stay in ICU, he was released – so glad to go home—read the paper, take a nap, read Time magazine, take a nap, watch Larry King or CNN, take a nap, eat dinner, take a nap, and then go to bed.  It gets simple for old folks.  And complicated for their kids.

So here’s a peek into my dad’s life the day before hospitalization.  He tells stories about his 44 years of selling on the road. 

Caring for An Aging Parent (EAP Services)

Jul 14th, 2010

Over the next several days, I will share stories and interviews about the journey my siblings and I are taking with our aging parents. I’ll post several short video interviews of my mom and dad. Many of you are currently on this journey. And many have already completed this journey. I welcome your comments at the end of each post. Just click on the comment link.

If you have an EAP program at your place of employment, contact them for services associated with aging.

As we live increasingly longer lives, more and more of us are finding that our loved ones need ongoing and long-term care. This care often falls to grown children, individuals in their forties, fifties, and sixties who are busy with work and often times have children still at home. Most of us have heard of “getting caught in this care-giving sandwich,” but it can be a real emotional and financial burden. This is especially true if you are new to the responsibility.

If you are about to become a caregiver, here are a few things that you might want to consider. First, you’ll need to think about some legal and financial matters. To provide good care for an elder loved one, it may be necessary to deal with care facilities, insurance, powers of attorney, and many more complex issues.

Figuring Out What Needs to Be Done

The following is a checklist that can help you determine what your loved one may need. Don’t let it overwhelm you. Simply use it to make your own list of things to do or to research, if necessary. Then you’ll be in a better position to ask others for help with the short and long-term tasks.

Remember also, there may be many terms or phrases used in the information below that you are not familiar with. Again, don’t be overwhelmed. A simple call to the HealthQuest EAP can be a real “clarifier,” and a great place to start. You can get an eldercare expert to help at no charge!

Type of Care Needed

To determine the types of care your loved one may require, ask yourself the following questions:

• What kind of care does my loved one need now and how will that change in the future?
• Could my loved one be taken care of at home if he or she had help from a skilled nurse and/or a health aide?
• Would assisted living be appropriate for my loved one?
• Will he or she require a skilled nursing facility now or in the future?
• Does my loved one’s mental condition require him or her to have special care and housing?

Health Insurance and Medicare

The following questions will help you understand what kind of health care coverage your loved one has or may need:

• What are the likely costs of the care my loved one will need?
• What do Medicare & Medicaid cover?
• What kind of health insurance does my love one have, and what does it cover?
• What if my loved one doesn’t have long-term care insurance? Does he or she need it?

Taking Over Finances and Decisions

The time may come when you or family members need to make basic financial and health care decisions for your loved one. Be sure to get answers to these questions:

• Does my loved one have a living will (advance health care directive) or power of attorney for finances? If not, how can I help get the necessary documents?
• Is my loved one no longer capable of making his or her own decisions or consenting to a power of attorney?

End-of-Life Issues

Finally, here are some important issues to consider about wills and other arrangements at the end of life:

• Does my loved one have a will? If not, how can I help them create a legally binding will?
• Has my loved one communicated any wishes for final ceremonies and the disposition of his or her body?
• Has my loved one shared information on where to find important documents and passwords regarding bank accounts, retirement accounts, safe deposit boxes, stocks, life insurance policies, and wills or trusts?

Get Personalized Help

After you’ve reviewed the list above and have an idea of the tasks and issues involved, take a deep breath and remember that you can get the help you need. To begin, you can encourage your loved one to be as involved as possible in his or her care. Avoid taking control of tasks that your loved one can still perform. The more your loved one is allowed to do, the longer he or she will be able to maintain a sense of ownership over the course of his or her own life.

Then, make some phone calls. Your employer’s EAP program is a good place to start.

Finally, remember that caring for an elder relative is not easy, and you deserve all of the support you can get. During the hard times, it might help to remember that what you are doing is noble and generous. Whether or not your loved one is able to express it, he or she is fortunate to have someone who is willing and able to do the job you’ve taken on.

This article was provided by AlternativesEAP.

Missing in Action

Oct 7th, 2009

I’ve been missing in action again – helping my elderly parents with the transition to “independent” living.  This has been “The Year of The Parent” on the Chinese calendar.  Actually, it’s been more like two years, but who’s counting.

As soon as I get back to normal here at CherylMillerVille, I’ll fire up the blog posts and spread a little more health and happiness around.  Until then, how are you doing?  What’s up in your life?  What’s down in your life?  Leave a comment at the comment link below. 

Healthy, Happy, Resilient People

Aug 16th, 2009

My wild and Crazy Mother!

Jul 14th, 2009

I keep getting email updates from my sibs about my mother and her amazing journey to move into assisted living with my dad.  She’s 89  and he’s 86.  She just orchestrated a two-day garage sale–sold their new king sized bed, the guest bedroom suit, a whole room full of Ethan Alan furniture, cleared out the overstuffed attic (with hired help), bought a 10 year old Cadillac in excellent shape (she and my dad don’t drive!)  She just wants to have it parked outside their assisted living apartment.  And did you catch it that she’s 89!

Reports are that she’s flying high.  My sister wrote, “She is so giddy and footloose.”  This statement means more when you realize that she’s been a committed packrat and paper hound her entire life and wouldn’t let anybody throw anything out–I mean she’ll fiercely defend her stuff.  Clutter has been on ongoing battle between my mom and dad for their 65 year-long marriage.  Mom always won.  They’ve never parked their car in the garage.  It was stacked 10 feet high with boxes.

My sister and I spent 8 days decluttering (10 hour days) and mom said that really jumpstarted her (plus the recent stroke) and she’s on a fantastic roll.  Help is coming to her from every corner.  When that happens, you know it is meant to be.

We had hired a moving company at $125/hr to move them but she somehow came upon an Army crew that will do it for free because they’re both World War II vets.  She says that 60 Army men and woman are going to show up at their house on Wednesday morning 9am (tomorrow!) to move them to assisted living.  But we secretly wonder if it’s really 16 and she didn’t hear it right.  She lost her hearing aids so….. we question it.  She also broke off one of her front teeth recently so to look at her, you might discount her as helpless and hopeless.  Well….you’d have to think again because she’s an amazing powerhouse.

We’ve even spent way too much time worrying about them (meds, the move, decluttering, getting an apartment, moving their utilities, getting them off junk mail lists, etc.)  But we need to stop questioning her because she has managed to single handedly mastermind this amazingly complex move.  She’s so busy with the various crews that she doesn’t have time to talk to me without scheduling it!  I just called her and she sounds fabulous – youthful, energized, happy, and powerful!  And that makes me love her even more.  In fact, tears are just now springing to my eyes I love her so much!  I want them to have a chance to kick back and enjoy the newfound freedom (without the clutter) in their new apartment.  I hope it brings them joy and peace and opportunities to be fully who they are.

I need to get going to my women’s group….and as I wind this story down I’m thinking….Is this story stranger than fiction or what?  My sister wrote “Who is she and what have they done with Freda Miller???”   You’d have to know her to really see what a transformation is occurring.  My mother has been stubborn, resistant, demanding and more….but this stroke really changed her.  I think it made her more powerful, not less.  She’s really in the game.  She’s truly powerful!  She’s totally in command of her life and it’s inspiring.  I wish I was there to see it in person.

My dad has been the powerhouse until now and my mom quietly spaced out in the background reading, watching HGTV, and putting together slide shows of their trips to Israel, Australia …. to name a few.  Now my dad has dementia, has weakened physically….and my mom is reversing her role as the driver of the family.  I guess this is why we do marriages and partnerships.  We need the help when life takes a turn.  Isn’t this just a grand scheme of things!  I’m high too just thinking about the human spirit.  Aren’t we great!

OK I better quit before I have to get a Kleenex.  I think this is why they say honor your parents … because you never know, really, who they are.

New Fitness Routine

Jul 1st, 2009

You have probably noticed that I haven’t posted in a while.  I’ve been in North Carolina helping get my parents ready to move nto a nursing home facility.  Sounds strange to even say that! 

My mother just had a stroke and is finally ready to move into independent/assisted living.  We’re all really relieved to have them in a safer environment with more support and care giving.  My dad has dementia and is definitely winding down.  It was good to see them but also difficult.

My mother comes from  a long line of pack rats so it was serious work going through every drawer, cabinet, closet, and bookcase in their home so that it wasn’t obvious that I’d thrown half of the contents out.  My new fitness routine was sitting on the floor sorting and tossing, bending and lifting, and dragging heavy garbage bags of paper out to the car and eventually to the dump.  I was disappointed that their city doesn’t  have recycling for mixed paper. 

Next came the heavy lifting – the garage.  I’m going to need to sleep for a few days before I have the energy to tell the rest of the story……

Until then, stay young….exercise!

Get Curious About Fitness to Get Inspired

Jun 7th, 2009

a 30-Day chronicle about getting back in shape

Today was an upper body day.  After warming up on the elliptical machine, I ran the circuit of upper body machines for about 40 minutes.  As I moved from machine to machine, I thought about how this workout felt compared to the first one.  I found that line of questioning inspiring because I could tell I was getting stronger.  And I was enjoying the workout more. 

When I first worked with a personal trainer, she tried to chat during my work out by asking me questions about my week.  I found it really distracting and asked her about it.  She said that most people enjoyed chatting because they wanted to keep their minds off the fact that they were exercising.  That was the opposite of what I wanted.  I told her that I wanted to be super focused on my workout so I could pay attention to the entire experience. 

As I look around the gym, I notice that most people are plugged in when they’re working out.  They’re plugged into an iPod, a magazine, the TV or their fitness buddy.  If that’s the only way they can get their workout in, that’s fine.  But I’d like to offer a counter cultural idea-pay attention, tune in, enjoy the entire experience.  Get curious in order to get inspired.

Here are some examples of questions you might ask during your workout:

1. Am I getting stronger compared to my first session or most recent session?
2. Are my daily activities getting easier (lifting groceries out of the trunk, carrying them into the house, climbing the stairs, running after the kids, etc.).
3. What do my muscles feel like?  Are they feeling pumped, shaky, firm, strong?
4. Is this weight appropriate-hard enough to get a good workout but not so demanding that I might get injured?
5. Is this workout helping to balance my muscles (front and back)?  We experience fewer joint problems and injuries when our muscle strength front to back is balanced (e.g., quadriceps and hamstrings, chest and back, biceps and triceps). 

If you’re normally plugged in when you work out, try going cold turkey next time and get curious about the experience.  Pay attention to your breathing, your thoughts, your muscles, and your experience.  After all, for that 30 or 40 minutes, your workout is your life.

Your Turn:  Thoughts?  Comments?  Are you plugged in when you workout?

Should you see a physician before starting an exercise program?

Medical Disclaimer: Any information you obtain from this blog series is not
intended and should not be construed as medical advice and is for the sole purpose of providing information derived from the experience of the author. Diet, exercise or other lifestyle changes should be made only after consulting with your own intuition, common sense, and health care practitioner.

Success Strategies to Help You Stick with Fitness

Jun 6th, 2009

a 30-Day chronicle about getting back in shape

Wanted to let you know that the longer I stick with my fitness routine, the more committed I get to healthy eating.  That’s a bonus.  In my next post I’m going to open my fridge and kitchen cabinets and tell you about what I’ve been eating.

Success Tactics

Here are some of the things I’m doing to help me stick with my decision to get fit again:

1. Before I started my program, I did a personal assessment:  weight, measurements (calf, thigh, hip, waist, bust, biceps).  I’ve been keeping these measurements for years and have watched them steadily grow along with me.  Now I’m watching them steadily decrease.  Very motivating.
2. I’m keeping a food and fitness journal.  It’s nothing fancy, just a place to regularly record my daily food and fitness choices.  Research is clear that people who record their daily food intake, lose weight.
3. I went public with my story in order to add a bit more interest and challenge.  As I share my story in this blog, I’m forced to think about what to say.  That makes me take a closer look at what I’m experiencing every day.  I’m becoming more aware and that’s always a good thing.  
4. I’ve invited you to share your story.  Other people’s stories are always inspiring.  So please share your comments, questions, and favorite resources at the comment link below.

Should you see a physician before starting an exercise program?

Medical Disclaimer: Any information you obtain from this blog series is not
intended and should not be construed as medical advice and is for the sole purpose of providing information derived from the experience of the author. Diet, exercise or other lifestyle changes should be made only after consulting with your own intuition, common sense, and health care practitioner.

Earth Gym Workout

Jun 5th, 2009

Today’s Fitness Activities

I didn’t go to the gym today.  Instead I engaged in what I call Earth Gym activities…where your life is your workout:

• Cleaned house and swept the deck – that’s a good workout and it now looks great.
• Walked Toby for our usual 60 minutes (lovely evening).  We always see deer grazing in the nearby fields.  They look up, watch us, then go back to grazing.  I call out to them sometimes and say “hi.” 
• Mowed the lawn.

Now it’s time to read The Power of Story by Jim Loehr.  It looks really good.  I’ll tell you about it once I get in to it.

Here’s a funny endnote:  My 88 year old mother got a cell phone today.  The rehab hospital phone battery always goes dead and it’s frequently being used by other patients (I call that a dumb phone system).  So she bought a one-year plan.  She did a pretty good job of using it for the first time.  I did have to holler into the phone and tell her to hang it up.  She could burn a lot of minutes like that!

Your Turn:  Got anything to share about your fitness routine?  Any other comments?  Please share them at the comment link below.