30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 9

Jul 9th, 2008

It’s hard to have discipline when you’re tired.  It’s hump day.  Funny how we think we have to keep going and work on stuff every day.  Just because in my mind’s eye I can work on something every evening, doesn’t mean the body, mind, and spirit are willing. 

So tonight, it occurred to me is a free night (if I let it be).  Instead of pretending to work or working on something half heartedly, I can call this a night off and do whatever I want.  Actually I can do that almost every evening.  The freedom is heady!

Lately I’ve been asking myself “What does my spirit want?”  For me that’s been a surprisingly hard question to answer.  Tonight, though, I know that my spirit wants a night off. 

Here’s my short list of what I might do tonight after finishing this post (I’m brainstorming):  read (I have a house full of books), watch a video about discipline and self-control under pressure (sounds boring but I’m actually leaning toward that), take a walk along the river (I saw a bald eagle on the way home flying over the river), call a friend, zone out sitting in my red leather chair with my feet propped up on the ottoman with my eyes glazed over and my mouth open, file something (yeah right), make a salad (yes that will be dinner) … I guess I’m tapped out (must be tired). 

OK, It’s now Miller time  

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 8

Jul 8th, 2008

Update on Complaining:  I’m finding that not complaining is making me happier!  Not that I’m 100% with my goal, but having the goal stops me in my tracks when I notice I’m complaining or thinking about it!  That’s really great.

What I’ve been Avoiding:  It’s funny that sticking with a weight lifting program was one thing I wanted to be disciplined about … and I’ve not even said those words yet in this thread.  But it’s on my mind.  Sometimes not doing things doesn’t mean that something isn’t happening.  As I’m not doing weight lifting, I’m having an inner dialog with myself about why.  And this engagement has brought me some interesting resources.  I just read about one large exercise study that showed that the group who walked down stairs received more physical benefits than the group who walked up stairs.  Yay!  So I’m going to add walking down stairs to my regimen. Take the elevator to the top floor…and walk down 10 flights–twice.  In this exercise I use my weight as the weight I’m lifting (or letting down).  So at least my legs will be getting stronger.

Looking at resistance is an important part of discipline.  Hey I’m not afraid!  What we resist, persists, so I’m glad to look at my resistance. 

Here’s what I don’t like about weight training:

• it’s hard.  Muscles build strength from microtears that occur during use/overuse.  So I have to lift to fatigue.  It’s not in my personality!
• it’s progressive.  I have to keep making it harder over time (yuck–that doesn’t make sense!).
• it’s boring.  I get bored counting reps. 
• it’s fake.  It’s not like lifting bails of hay or moving furniture.

But as an exercise physiologist, I believe in strength training–it’s a must for healthy living.  So what’s my plan? 

Here’s what I’ve tried so far:

• I’ve set up my own Venice Beach on my deck – weights, jump rope, yoga mat, balance disc, etc.  Problem is I don’t use it.
• I’ve set up a video/DVD center upstairs.  Problem is I don’t use it.
• I’ve joined a gym and paid for a 1-year membership.  Problem is I don’t use it.  I’ve done this twice now!
• I purchased several sessions with a personal trainer.  Problem is, I haven’t scheduled the appointments.

Get my drift!  It seems as if I’ve tried everything–but I’m sure I haven’t.  So I’ll try some more things. 

The good news is that I love aerobic exercise and I love being outside doing something purposeful–I could walk an hour a day and love it!  But that doesn’t help my upper body.  Biking is not bad either. 

If you have a recommendation for me about weight training, please share it!  I’m open to your input and I know it’s important–so I don’t need a lecture about how important it is  

Thanks for your comments and suggestions!

Needing Space

Jul 8th, 2008

I haven’t posted on this thread for several days.  It occurred to me that after such an intense period of care taking, I needed time off to jump back into my own life.  I needed to get groceries, cook, mow the grass, weed, and clean–all that good stuff that we have to do at home.  Now that I’m caught up on all of that, I can again make a stronger connection with my parents.  I have been talking with them a bit, but without much peace and enthusiasm. 

Can you relate?

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 7

Jul 7th, 2008

The dog ate my homework!  I had an off day and didn’t post.  Sheeeeeeeeeuuh

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 6

Jul 6th, 2008

When I finally got around to sweeping the deck, I reminded myself that delay is increasingly expensive.  The tassels that had fallen off my pecan tree this spring were wedged between the boards.  And there were still plenty of the helicopter seed pods from my neighbor’s oak tree stuck in the cracks too.  Because we had gotten a lot of rain, the mix had started to decompose and was impossible to sweep off.  This debris provided an environment for the deck to become discolored and damp in places.  I had meant to sweep it several times, but the wind had done a pretty good job of clearing the deck so to speak and I had gotten lazy.

As I worked to sweep away as much of the debris as I could, I was reminded of the habit farmers have of driving or walking their property on a regular basis–looking for anything that needs fixing or monitoring.  They keep an eye on everything.  Animals do this too.  I know when something is amiss inside the house, but now I want to get in the habit of “walking the fence” so to speak. 

Even though much of my yard is out of sight and out of mind, it isn’t out of my responsibility.  And I know that catching things early is a lot less work–like frequently weeding volunteer trees growing near the foundation or  fence before they get a foothold.  I learned this the hard way years ago when I had to dig them up and chop the taproot with a hatchet.  Now I’m hip to sweeping the deck as soon as the tree droppings fall–much easier! 

I guess you could say this will be a new discipline for me. 

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 5

Jul 5th, 2008

My 4th of July party was the best!  The food was wonderful, the weather was great, and everyone was in a happy, festive mood.  I’ve been in a happy place since I’ve been back from taking care of my parents and since I started this discipline experiment.  My life runs more smoothly when I’m focused on something I want or some way I want to be.  When I consciously choose how I want to live, everything goes better.  When I am unfocused and leave it to change, I get a mixed bag of results.

I spent the day today playing with friends – the entire day.  We started at a u-pick blueberry farm, went antique and junque shop hopping, then rearranged my office giving it a completely new look.  That change has inspired me to spend tomorrow filing, recycling paper (decluttering!) and organizing my office for ease and enjoyment.  I had so much fun today that I’m thinking about experimenting with spending one day a weekend completely free to be.  In order to make that work well (not stressing about so much to do), I will call upon my  discipline experiment to help me handle tasks during the week so that I can clear the decks for a day of fun on the weekend.  I will let you know how that goes. 

When I have an exciting goal, the goal pulls me forward – it does most of the work of inspiring me so that I don’t have to twist my own arm to get moving.  Doing this discipline experiment is causing me to stop, focus on what I want, and make a plan for how to get what I want.  It works for me!

One of my goals for this 30 days was to stop complaining.  I did well until my party, and then got caught up in the conversation. at the end of the evening.  Before I knew it, I was right there getting energy out of complaining.  But I caught myself and everyone agreed it was a good idea to stop.

I tell you, I’m getting high on discipline and being positive.  How is your 30-day experiment going?

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 4

Jul 4th, 2008

For those in the U.S., happy Independence Day! 

Angela, a subscribers who posted a comment on Day 3, has inspired me to speak more about discipline and getting things done! 

Collectively, we seem to be tired, overwhelmed, overworked, unsatisfied, and plugged in a good deal of the time to some electronic gizmo.  I think we may be so fragmented by life’s many voices (and choices) that we do not tune in to our inner worlds.  The external world is captivating (and demanding), but it’s not the only world.  The inner world is where our life’s blueprint for living resides.  When we stay so focused on the outer worlds, we lose the messages that our hearts and souls are whispering.  These are the messages that will bring us direction, satisfaction, and hope. 

For the most part, we judge ourselves by how much we accomplish.  But if we’re psychically pooped and unclear about what we most want in life, we feel unfocused, undisciplined, and too tired to do much of anything but surf the Internet or watch TV at the end of the day.  We begin to judge and criticize ourselves.

I believe the antidote is to spend time every day tuning in to our inner worlds.  Naturally this also means unplugging frequently (even briefly) from the outer world and the electronic gadgets that keep us going down someone else’s path.  Unplugging the equipment means quieting the noise and stopping all outer engagements so that we can make an inner connection.  I tune into my inner world when I’m doing simple things like dishes, sweeping the sidewalk, dusting, and other chores.  I also tune inward when taking a walk or while meditating. 

The lesson for me in all of this is to do what I know will work–turn inward and ask myself what I really want and what I want to do.  Sounds simple, but it isn’t.  Having a vision for what I want in life always helps me achieve what I want in life.  Each year at New Year’s I select a theme for the year that guides and inspires me.  This year I was so discombobulated by life that I didn’t choose a theme.  That’s not quite accurate–I tried out several and never stuck with any one.  Being singular in focus helps me because my tendency is to spread myself too thin, do too much, and hence lose myself.

It’s time for me to tap into the bigger vision for my life that will pull me forward.  I don’t need as much discipline when I have a goal or desire that’s big enough to pull me forward.  For me, tuning in regularly every day will take discipline.  But I know that it will pay off because it has numerous times in the past. 

I have made a list of possible questions that I will explore when I tune in one for a few minutes here and there throughout the day and when I completely stop all activity to meditate.  Here are a few questions from my menu of questions:

• If the timing is right for me to get a dog now, give me a clear sign.
• How can I experience more joy every day?
• What is the safest most enjoyable way to return to my ideal weight?
• How can I best serve in this lifetime?

I will let you know how it goes.  How is it going for you?

Now I need to get back to getting ready for my party tonight!

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 3

Jul 3rd, 2008

It’s been good to immerse myself in this discipline experiment because it keeps it uppermost in my mind – and there are so many competing thoughts on the planet!

I’ll address the first two topics I mentioned in Day 1 – Yes I will post every day.  I have decided that would be useful.  And yes it will require a bit of discipline because it’s a holiday weekend and I might want to just mess around   But on some level I “want” to post every day and that’s going to make this easier.  Once I make a real decision, I follow through.  By real, I mean it’s something I don’t just do because I think I should do it.  I do it because I’m convinced it will bring me something positive, something I really want.

I’ve been thinking about what discipline means to me.  It is a loaded word for sure so I’ll start by saying what it is not for me:

• It is not something that somebody else thinks I should do.  It is what I have decided is important for me to do.
• It is not something designed to make me feel like a failure.  It is designed to help me get where I want to go.
• It is not an absolute–even though it sounds like it is.  For me discipline simply means doing what I say I want to do. 
• It is not about feeling guilty.  It’s about reminding myself that I really want to do something so I set up a system that helps me be successful.

Every 4th of July I host a party because we can watch the fireworks from my front porch.  It’s a lot of fun.  And every 4th, I get an opportunity to make sure that my house and yard are ready for company.   

The party becomes an environment for me being disciplined in weeding, cleaning, preparing a festive environment, etc.  Having the party helps me follow through with what I know I really want to do…..in the long run.  In the short run, though, I might just want to kick back and watch a movie.  This little bit of discipline (and the party environment) helps keep me from defaulting to immediate gratification.  That’s it.  For me discipline is the antidote to immediate gratification.  After all I’m just a big kid – I want to have fun, live in the now, not do the hard stuff.  I’d like to leave that to the adults.  Oh-oh, I guess I’m an adult so I need to also do the hard stuff sometimes. 

So now because I have a party to get ready for, I’m going to go outside and mow my lawn and weed!  And then I’m going to come inside, take a shower, and watch a movie.  Life is good! 

Thoughts?

30-Day Discipline Experiment – Day 2

Jul 2nd, 2008

I haven’t had the time and head space yet to lay out my plan for this 30 days experiment.  Stop laughing!  What I am prepared to do right now, though, is stop gossiping and complaining for 30 days.  That should be particularly challenging because I’ve also started a new blog category telling stories about helping my aging parents for the past two weeks.  I’m not quite over it…if you know what I mean, so this experiment will be particularly interesting.  In fact, I’ve preloaded a post for tomorrow about parents lying to make themselves look good.  I may have to revise that one

I don’t gossip and complain as much as I could, but I do it more than I’d like.  I get a kick out of it.  Not only am I going to hold myself accountable in the literal sense, but I’m going to attempt to purge the underlying feelings that fuel the gossip or complaint.  I’ll let you know how that goes and I’ll try not to lie like my parents .

Don’t get me wrong.  If my food is delivered cold when dining out, I’ll send it back.  I just won’t take it personally and complain about it.  And if somebody drives too slowly in front of me when I’m in a hurry, I’ll send them a blessing.  If I get a telemarketing call, I’ll simply say “no thank you” and hang up.  And if my new shoes give me a blister, I’ll just apply a Band-Aid.  Gee this is going to be tough!  But I’m eager to see how I do.  And I know my life will be better without the negative energy of gossiping and complaining.  Cool!  What kind of person will I become?

Let’s see, I need a visual reminder of my goal.   I will start by writing it on my bathroom mirror with a Sharpie.  I have used that technique to keep affirmations uppermost in my mind.   I repeat them while brushing my teeth.  I better put some kind of note in my car as well.  And maybe a note in the book I’m reading before bed.  But the best route to my success is to decide.  Once I truly make a decision about what I want to do, the doing gets much easier.  Being on the fence is always more challenging. 

I’m kind of excited by this day’s experiment so it may be easier than I think.  I’m eager to put myself to the test.

Do you want to join me in this experiment to stop gossiping and complaining?  Thoughts?  Stories to share?

Aging Parents Lie

Jul 2nd, 2008

Note regarding “lying”:  I’m calling what we do lying, but it’s difficult to express the softness with which I’m speaking.  I don’t know that there is a word that describes the self-protective elements associated with what we usually call lying.  Just know that there is a touch of humor and compassion beneath the written words.

People often lie to make themselves look better in the eyes of others–this includes parents.  While staying with my parents, I overheard their conversations with my siblings.

A snippet of my dad’s conversation with my sister:

So how was the doctor’s visit Dad?  Oh, nothing out of the ordinary.  Everything is fine.

But I had been a part of that doctor’s visit and this is what was discussed:  the doctor told my dad he had to get on a reduced sleep schedule and not sleep 12 hours every night, plus nap after each daily activity (eating breakfast, reading the paper, and watching CNN).  He recommended that dad find ways to engage his mind and body so he’s not so bored.  He also talked about dad’s heart condition (heart failure) and his recommendation for them to consider assisted living.  The visit lasted 45 minutes!  I had primed the doc before he saw my parents.  He agreed to be “the bad guy.” 

My mom was thrilled that the doctor told my dad to get up earlier in the morning because his sleeping until 11 or later really messed up their routine.  That’s one reason they hired Wayne and asked him to come at 9:30am.  The thinking was that a morning care giver visit would help regulate Dad’s morning sleep schedule.  But here’s another “lie”–my mom is the one with the weird sleep pattern.  In fact, the first day Wayne came, my dad was up and ready and my mother was still sleeping.  Her habit is to sleep when she darn well pleases.  If she doesn’t sleep well one night, she’ll take a 4-5 hour nap the next day.  Try creating a regular schedule around that sleep routine! Truth be told, this is a pattern I could naturally fall in to if I allowed myself to be that “flexible.”  The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.

Wayne also squealed to me (in an email) that my dad missed taking his meds on Sunday.  When I talked to my parents last night I asked how Dad was doing taking his meds.  Mom said “great!” 

I think they’re “lying” for two reasons:  they don’t like the “truth” and they’re trying to keep us from butting in.  Oh, and because of my dad’s dementia, he just forgets!

So why did I write all of that?  I guess it’s to shine the light on part of what worries me.  When caring for aging parents at great distances–I’m in Kansas and they’re in North Carolina–not knowing if they’re telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, adds a layer of worry.  But this worry is MY problem.  Any suggestions?

End note:  Funny thing – just thinking about this topic has brought me new insights and peace.  I’ve found a way to put this aging process into perspective (at least for now) so I’ve been sleeping much better and worrying less.