Still Sad

Oct 29th, 2007

After Jasmine died, I thought I was doing really well.  I buried her, cleaned the house and went back to the daily tasks of living.  But I’ve noticed that I’m getting more sad instead of less sad.  I feel a little foolish when people ask me how I am, so I say fine.  Normally, I don’t fudge the truth.  But I really want to be private now.  Paradoxical considering I’m writing a blog post about this!

My heart is cracked wide open – and I guess maybe that’s a good thing – because it’s what is.  My compassion is deepening, my love is deepening, my life is deepening. 

Yes it’s just a dog.  But Jasmine was such a fabulous dog.  And it’s the first time I’ve been without a pet in 40 years.  That’s gotta be part of my grief – the whole pet thing – love ‘em and lose ‘em.  And I do so love my pets. 

A friend sent this comforting email newsletter from Steven Lane Taylor…

Dear Friends,

On television this week, I saw interviews with several families who lost their homes in the fires that raced across southern California. It was nice to see that all of these people recognized that, in the largest sense, life is not about things. It is about love. And even though their houses—and all of the things in them—were gone, each of these families felt extremely grateful and blessed to have each other.

The loss of one’s home, however, is still a very real—and very devastating—loss. And I think it is important to acknowledge that fact.

A home, as you well know, is much more than mortar and bricks, stucco and tile. It is much more than a structure, a shelter, or even—in some cases—a work of art. A home is a box of memories, containing cherished mementos, souvenirs, keepsakes, heirlooms, and photographs. All of those treasured things are physical symbols of the people and the experiences in our lives that we hold near and dear to our hearts.

Although the memories themselves remain intact, it is still understandably tragic when the “memory collage” that one has spent a lifetime constructing, has been destroyed by wind, water, fire, or a shift in the earth itself.

I often mention that one of the keys to living life in the divine flow (and fulfilling your heart’s desires effortlessly) is maintaining a positive attitude. But that positive attitude must be genuine. And that means that feelings such as grief, sadness, and sorrow must first be allowed to run their natural course.

As I recently wrote, living life in the divine flow is not about stuffing your feelings to maintain an “appearance” of positivity. There is such a thing aslegitimate suffering in life. It is not the kind of suffering that you bring upon yourself through needless worry or thoughtless actions. It is the kind of suffering that occurs most often with the sudden and unexpected loss of something, or someone, that you deeply love.

If you are dealing with a loss in your life right now, it is okay to go ahead and let yourself feel your feelings about it. In fact, it is necessary. Give yourself permission to experience all of your feelings freely and fully. Allow them to come, and go . . . and come again . . . and go again. It is the only way that they will eventually dissipate.

If, instead, you attempt to suppress those feelings, they will continue to exist at a subconscious level. And, in the end, that will just delay your ability to heal and feel joy again. And by “joy” I mean that underlying sense of appreciation for the total experience of life . . . a joy that embraces all of life’s twists and turns . . . a joy that may be best described as “bittersweet.”

To each of you who have recently lost a loved one, a beloved pet, or anything else that occupies an important place in your heart, please know that kindred spirits the world over are supporting you in the restoration of your sense of wholeness, and the recovery of your sense of peace.

Blessings to you all.

Steve

2007 Steven Lane Taylor

Living Life in the Divine Flow
October 28, 2007

  Another picture…..

and another with my niece, Clare ….

another with my dad….

Know Thy(my)self…

Oct 25th, 2007

Hey, Lena here from the Wellness Fast Lane.

One of the things I’m noticing as I walk this road to wellness – and all that comes with it – is that the more I know myself the closer I can get to my wellness goals.

It is in the times when I forget myself that I fall short of the mark.

For example, I know that I cannot do back-to-back public presentations. So, if I have a public presentation on Wednesday, I really, really will not be at my best if I do another presentation on Thursday.  At least a day needs to be pass between presentations before I am able to be on my game again.

The exception to this seems to be when I’m away at a conference. And, that’s because I think I stay in ‘work’ mode while I’m there and when  get a chance to go home, swtching back and forth between ‘worlds’ is a taxing transition for me.

I know this about myself and I act accordingly (most times).

I know that I have the tendency to get really excited about an idea at first and then not follow through because of lack of time and/or waning interest.  So, I’ve developed an “evalutation Friday” date with myself. Whenever a new opportunity presents itself, I let the person know that I’ll get back to them on Friday. I jot the details of the offer down and every Friday I sit down and evaluate my opportunities for the week. Some I accept and others I don’t. This environment (as Cheryl would say) makes sure that I don’t agree to things that I’m not genuinely psyched about.

I know this about myself and I act accordingly (most times).

I NEVER do anything I don’t wanna. Period. I might not LIKE doing everything I do, but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to do it.  I used to get punished when I was a child about this attitude. I would actually tell my mother, “Mami, go ahead and punish me now because I’m not doin’ it.”  To this day she still tells me that I was the meanest kid she ever met. (You have to know my Mom to appreciate this comment.)

This is a blessing and a curse because most times things I don’t wanna do includes exercise. Yikes!

The flip side is, I’m never resentful while I’m doing something and any task that I do is always done with positive energy to usher in a positive outcome.

I know this about myself and I act accordingly (most times).

I tell people all the time, “If you don’t want to know the truth, don’t ask me.” I will tell someone the truth no matter what. I’m known for this and, in fact, many people choose to work with my company because of it.

One of my favorite people in the world, Roy Williams, has a saying that I learned while taking a class within the hallowed halls of the Wizard Academy: “The risk of insult is the price of clarity”.  And, it’s so true. I remember vividly the moment Roy’s words tiptoed into my consciousness. I have never been the same.

All my life, I always wondered why people didn’t like my “straight talk”. And, in 10 seconds, Roy told me why.

I know this about myself and I act accordingly (most times).

The more I know myself, the better I am and wending my way toward wellness, because wellness isn’t just about physical strength.

It’s also very much about mental clarity and emotional fortitude.  And, the better I know myself, the stronger my mind gets. Sounds crazy, but it’s true.

Memorial to Jasmine

Oct 22nd, 2007

Light footprint, big impact. I just buried Jasmine under the pecan tree where she and Chelsea always crawled under the deck. It was a BIG hole. Then I walked down to the Kansas river to sit a spell and ponder all the wonderful help and guidance Jasmine and I have gotten from all sides of the Universe-both human and divine.

I’ve walked my dogs along that river since 1991. It felt really close and personal when I sat on the rocks by the shore. It made me philosophical and I remembered reading about Mother Teresa’s death.

When she died, she left behind only 5 possessions: two saris, a wooden bowl and spoon and her Bible. At the time I remember being ashamed that I had 5 telephones.

Jasmine left behind just a few simple objects too: her food and water bowls, her leash and collar, two dog beds, and a dog house (that was more for me than it was her since she rarely used it).

As I vacuumed her tufts of white fur from all the corners, I became aware that this was the last time I would do that. In an instant, a task that I had always disliked became a task I longed to have the opportunity to do again and again.

With the loving presence of Mother Teresa who equally embraced the leper, the beggar, and the starving child, Jasmine looked with love into my eyes always–no matter what.

I received an outpouring of cards, calls, and emails. I’m sharing them here as a tribute to Jasmine and the loving community who supports me when I slip, trip, or fall.

It’s raining here and I was just sitting here with the lights out looking out the terrace door thinking about Jasmine.

Joy-container
Angelic
Spirit-dog
Miracle
Infinite
Native
Everlasting

I loved Jasmine, I really did.

Jasmine is so blessed because she had so much love and light surrounding her. She was like the dog of a village of pioneer, magic women. Jasmine was ours and we were hers. Lena

There is no way to really explain to anyone else the connection that you have with a pet, especially a soul like Jasmine. I feel your loss. May you always know that love. Tomorrow, I will have my dogs send a message to dog heaven. We will miss her. Kris

I am so sad about Jasmine. I have been thinking of you all day. I was thinking that tomorrow was the day the vet was coming. I didn’t realize it would be tonight already. She was truly a beautiful spirit, and she was as lucky to have you as you were to have her. And all of us who were able to meet her were lucky, too, to have been touched by her in some way. She had a beautiful spirit, and her memory will linger always. My love and thoughts are with you tonight. Hugs, Tamara

So sorry to hear about Jasmine’s illness. I know how completely miserable it can be. I had to put my dog Banjo down last year and I wept from my heart. Hang in there and, as I know you will, remember the great buddy that you have had for so many wonderful years. xo Bob

I’m so sorry for your loss. Jasmine was a good friend and a lovely dog-person. It’s so difficult to see good friends decline and suffer. It was wonderful that the vet and tech came to your home so Jasmine could die peacefully with her person in her home. Reading your email made me cry, but I’m glad that you’re taking the time to ponder life and that you’re open to another pet in the future. I can’t thank Cookie enough for all the joy she has given me over the years. And she’s by my side, anxious that I’ve forgotten her walk. So I’d better take her. Know that I’m thinking of you and sending you good thoughts. Love, Claire

sunflowers by the gate

a big white dog waiting in the garden

not barking, calm, interested.

people having drinks on the back deck, animated,

full of pleasure – fluffy white dog at their feet, basking, not needy

giving as much as she received

giving more than we knew

nearby, the river flowing in ancient bed

not hating the ones that polluted her

trains full of coal screaming and humping by

laughter and fellowship at Cheryl’s -

people, and one great dog with boddhisattva eyes.

love,
Dixie

I’m so sorry to hear that Jasmine did not pull through. She sounds like she was a wonderful pet. I’m sure you have great memories of her that will be comforting.My best, Dennis

I am so sorry for your loss. I know how much you loved her and how special she was. My heart goes out to you. I know she’ll be hanging around to watch over you.I’ll always remember the Community rock. Love you, Lana

I am so very sorry to learn of the death of your beloved pet. She was a beautiful dog, and so devoted to you. I’m glad I got to meet her when we were in Lawrence. Losing a pet is a great loss–they are our unconditionally loving companions, which is more than you can say for some people! It sounds to me like you’re doing all the right things to take care of yourself. The river was a special place for me (and Oliver) when I lived in Lawrence, so I truly understand your feelings for it. If you find yourself wanting a change of scenery, please remember you are always welcome to visit us. With love and understanding, Sandy

I am so sorry about Jasmine. It is 10:00 AM now, I’m at work but I can’t help crying. Don’t know what to say but my heart is with you. Please call me when you can. Najah

Jasmine was such a great friend. I am so very sad she is gone. I am sorry and will keep you in my prayers. Tony (my handyman wrote this at the bottom of his invoice for recent work – really sweet!)

Thanks for letting me know about Jasmine. What a wonderful doggy soul! Although I’m saddened by her departure from this plane, I’m so very grateful for the time she and I had on your porch that day. I’ve never had a dog just open up to me in that way, and it was very wonderful. I’m also learning a lot and taking to heart your journey. What a brave and beautiful soul you are as well! Thanks for being part of my life. Love and blessings, Jo

Reading about Jasmine was the last thing I expected this morning. I just sat down to go through the emails from our vacation. I’m so sorry. I know that you had some time to be with Jasmine to think about it and get used to the idea because your last email was very calm and bittersweet. It looks like you have a busy weekend ahead, but I’ll call and see if we can connect at some point. Today is Chris’ 50^th birthday so we are going to be out part of the day celebrating. I wish I was there to hold your hand and just be with you. I love you very much. Diane

Hi Cheryl, I hope you don’t mind but I can’t stop crying! I know how you feel and it will take some time to get through all of this. You are doing the right thing by staying busy. As much as I want a dog in my life I just can’t yet. Losing my Jezebel 5 yrs ago this Oct. is still tugging at my heart and she is missed so much. Kiwi and Hodge (my cats) that died will always be in my heart. Please remember that you are in my prayers and thoughts. Love, Justine

I am sorry for your loss, Cheryl. It is a hard thing to lose a close friend. You were both good to each other and she had a wonderful life as a result of finding you. Dogs are amazing creatures. They change our lives in small subtle ways that leave a deep lasting meaning that there are no words to fully describe. I always have found it cruel that their life is so much shorter than ours….but that is just my selfishness. They burn 4 times as bright while they are here. I will be thinking about you and Jasmine today. Love, Chris

I was ironing Sunday afternoon and at 5:10 had a strong feeling of grief. I thought of you and Jasmine, knowing you were in turmoil. We are thinking about you and your “happy” life with Jasmine. I know Hannah is also very sad. I like to think of Jasmine’s heaven looking like your levy! In the fall when lots of leaves and mud. Love you Beth

I wish I could just take away all the pain I know you are feeling – but only time can do that. Just remember that Jasmine will always be with you – in your heart. Your friend, Betty

 

I’m so sorry to hear about Jasmine. She was a very sweet dog. I’m sure you miss her very much. My thoughts re with you. Ann

I’m so, so sorry. I know she was a huge part of your life. I’ll say a prayer for Jasmine — and you. Carol

i am so sorry to hear about jasmine – what a wonderful spirit she had. it is an honor to have met her and played with her. you are in our thoughts and prayers. blessings, cathy and bettie

What a wonderful thing that you had a nice sunny day so that you could sit and contemplate the great gifts that Jasmine brought you. I’m sorry for your loss. You have such a great attitude. This email brought tears to my eyes-not just because I can imagine how difficult this transition is for you, but because I am inspired by your outlook and ability to look at all life situations as valuable opportunities to grow and move forward. I love you, and will give you a call next weekend. Love Michele

Oh, Cheryl, I’m so sad that you had to say goodbye to your dear friend! Jasmine was a wonderful companion for you, just as you were for her. You were lucky to have found each other. And you are right, when the time is right, I know another animal companion will make his/her way into your life. A big hug to you in this poignant time! Love, Deborah

Oh, love and loss and sadness, damn it. It brings up memories of my own pain to know that you are experiencing all that now. Somehow it is all part of life and we must be in it.

Blessing Jasmine, spirit dog, and my Tip, spirit dog.
Blessing you, Cheryl. You are beautiful and loving and inspiring. I appreciate your friendship, Sharon

In addition to the prayer, let me know if there is anything else you need. Some say i’m a good listener (anytime). Love, Jena

Oh my! I’m so sorry to hear your dear Jasmine was ill and had to leave the planet! I have found the loss of my “pets” to be the hardest thing in this world, often even more so than the loss of lovers! [perhaps because I found the love shared was more perfect and less fraught with pain]. You guys were so bonded and had so many lovely walks and adventures. She was definitely a big force and presence and your life will really feel different without her. She was so solidly there, that I imagine it will mean a big empty space in your life and home for a while.

My last big dog, Ben, had lameness and then cancer was discovered and no chance of survival, so the vet “put him to sleep.” This was just after Tom and I broke up, and Ben lived with him. I was sorry that Ben died in the vet clinic, as he truly hated that place. Once he wouldn’t get out of the car there when he was going for shots, and it was like trying to push around a 100 lb pile of cement blocks with skin on them. Maybe he had a premonition. I finally started crying in frustration, and he jumped right out! I like that the vet and tech came to you.

A friend in CA had a cat named Jasmine, and the vet came to her home and put her to sleep. Later that day I went over and we buried her near the deck (she was a tiny delicate being–like 6 lbs–and so not what you faced), and then we planted a jasmine plant on the top of her burial place so that it would twine up over the base of the deck, and waft soft scents into the windows, as a kind of living memory of her sweetness. It’s good to have a ritual to go though something so difficult.

I got to spend the weekend with the Dalai Lama last week at a teaching on emptiness–how everything we think of as important and real doesn’t last and only compassion and detachment matters. Your note shows that teaching in action.
Keep taking especially good care of yourself, and doing the next right thing! With love and sadness, Priscilla

Would you like to leave a comment? I invite you to leave a comment about Jasmine or any pets you have loved and lost.

Don't Should On Yourself…

Oct 12th, 2007

Hey, Lena here from the Wellness Fast Lane.

Tony Robbins has a saying: “We need to stop ‘shoulding’ all over ourselves.” He’s right.

A very dear and close friend – my twin flame friend – is going through a tough time right now. There are a lot of things up in the air for her and let’s just say things are a bit haywire to put it mildly.

I’ve been sending her lots of love and light and I’ve also lovingly had several supportive conversations with her to help her work through a few things.

I find that when I  help my friends, I always learn something.

Here’s what helping her has taught me:

In speaking with her, she kept saying things like ”I should be over it by now” and “shouldn’t I be feeling better”?

My answer was an emphatic, “No!”

First, shoulding is bad. Call it a judgment or whatever. It just is. It sets us up for failure because no matter which way we go with it, we never quite measure up to our shoulds. I know I never measure up to mine

Second, things are what they are. If you know me, you know that I have a favorite saying: “It is what it is.”  Things aren’t what they could be, they aren’t what they should be. They just ARE.

So, how does this help me on my wellness journey? I’m not sure…other than recognizing that there is an art to being in the moment and dealing with things (notice I didn’t say accepting things) as they really, truly are. Not how they SHOULD be.

It’s easy to be in the moment when we’re on a tropical beach looking at a golden sunset. It’s not so easy when your life feels like it’s imploding. And, that’s where the work comes in…

En-Genius – 4th Annual Green Gift Guide

Oct 1st, 2007

I like the whole idea of living green (e.g., walking softly on the planet).   I’ll bet you do too.  In preparation for the holiday gift-giving holidays ahead, you can contribute your green gift ideas.  I just read in ShowStoppers (TM) e-newsletter that……

Lee Goldberg is writing the En-Genius’ Fourth Annual Green Gift Guide, featuring eco-friendly, high-tech gear for AnalogZone and the En-Genius network of web sites. He’s looking for “fun, innovative products that help consumers live more lightly on the planet … any gift item that reflects green design or manufacturing principles.”

To submit a candidate product, please include the following when you email Lee by no later than 26 October:

• Product name, model, and brief description.
• A list of features and specifications.
• A list of eco-features with as much detail as possible.
• Pricing and availability.
• A URL where readers can get more information, or even order the product.
• A contact person we can reach to arrange a briefing if needed.
• Where appropriate, information on obtaining evaluation copies of your product for evaluation.